An artist's life, 1911-1914

I was writing the fourth symphony in the Fennia Hotel. Kajanus dropped in and asked why I was stressing myself so much. But I am pleased that I did it, for even today I cannot find a single note in it that I could remove, nor can I find anything to add. This gives me strength and satisfaction. The fourth symphony represents a very important and great part of me. Yes, I'm glad to have have written it.
(To Jussi Jalas, 1942)

This thing that Aino cannot trust me who am tired of earning money and cannot give a detailed account of everything (these thousands of invoices, bills, loans, etc. totalling 100,000), this makes her life impossible.
(Diary, 18th April 1914)

Up till now I have never (...) conducted another orchestra made up of so many skilful musicians as that orchestra of a hundred players that Mr Stoeckel got together from Boston and from the New York Metropolitan Opera. America has shown the world what money can accomplish in the field of music, and the resources at my disposal were truly first-rate. The woodwinds in particular were uniquely enchanting. For example, in The Oceanides I achieved a build-up that, to a very great degree, surprised even myself.
(Interview for the newspaper Helsingin Sanomat, published 11th July 1914)

The autumn sun is shining. Nature in its farewell colours. My heart is singing sadly the shadows grow longer. The Adagio of my fifth symphony? That I, poor fellow that I am, can have moments of such richness!!
(Diary, 2nd October 1914)

I've turned 49. I sent op 40 no. 3 and op 35 no. 5 to Pelle Westerlund. An ordinary birthday: no telegrams, not one single letter, not even a flower, no greetings (apart from Ruth's phone call) i.e. I am a real poeta in patria [poet in his own country].
(Diary, 8th December 1914)