An artist's life, 1900-1910

Do not, my dear love, look backwards on life, but forwards. After all, that's a condition for living.
(To Aino Sibelius after the death of their daughter Kirsti, 2nd March 1900)

I was called [to take a bow] five (?) times. The main thing is that I can conduct a world-class orchestra. And I can do it well! That's what everybody said!
(To Aino Sibelius after his debut with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra, 16th November 1902)

It was necessary for me to get away from Helsinki. My art required another environment. In Helsinki all the song died within me.
(Karl Ekman’s biography of JS, 1935)

This drinking – in itself such a joyful pursuit – has really gone too far.
(To Mikko Slöör, spring 1907)

After the operation [1908] the doctors were for a long time uncertain whether I would suffer a relapse (…) For many years I had to follow the strictest caution and - among other things - give up cigars altogether, which was a great sacrifice for me. It was not until the [First] World War that I started to smoke them again, and there have been no unpleasant consequences.
(Karl Ekman’s biography of JS, 1935)

My old dream of sitting as a 'father of the family' at the head of a large table with many children around me is – as far as children are concerned – about to come true.
(To Axel Carpelan, 18th November 1908)

I have been keeping a diary from the year 1909. It has helped me to discover that I always have a spell of depression in winter, when the days are short.
I have also noted that I get my ideas during the depression, whereas the actual work goes better when my spirits are rising.
(To Jussi Jalas, 12th December 1943)

I no longer felt at home in the city. The solitude of my life is beginning.
(Diary, 10th January 1910)